As a child, my prayer took the form of Catholic ritual, especially the weekly practice of going to church.  My parents taught me about the sacred mystery at the center of the mass. I wondered what it meant and set up an appointment with our parish priest to ask how bread can be transformed into Christ.

Years later, I discovered New Camaldoli Hermitage, a monastic community on the Big Sur Coast.  The silence of that place is captivating for me.  Something happens when I spend time there.  My heart and mind open.  The gifts of life come into high relief.  Whatever challenges I have been experiencing take their place inside of a greater mystery.  After a few days of monastic silence, it is much easier for me to perceive the presence and direction of love.

A similar shift happens when I engage with money through our practices.  Often that begins with noticing that I feel troubled or anxious about something in my financial life.  I have learned to bring those places to Wisdom & Money retreats, where I explore what the constriction is and engage in contemplative prayer.  When I approach money challenges like that, places of tightness open. I am able to return to a state of trust in which I can listen more clearly and discern right next steps.  This has happened so consistently that I now think of my experiences of constriction around money as a call to prayer.

An Example

Here is an example of what I mean: a few years ago, former Co-Director Steven Bonsey and I led a retreat at New Camaldoli Hermitage.  At the time, I was working on our organizational budget in the midst of a cash flow challenge. I began the retreat stressed, my mind stuck crunching numbers. How could we cut costs?  How were we going to pay our staff?  What could we do more efficiently? It was like a math problem I could not solve.

I was committed to honoring the intention of our money retreat, so instead of continuing to work, I put the budget on our community altar.  Then I entered into the prayer and conversation of the circle. From time to time, an idea or thought related to the budget work would cross my mind. I noticed these and let them go.  On the last day, I felt grounded and open.  I returned to my altar item – the budget – and saw possibilities I could not imagine the first night. I saw, for instance, which expenses are core to our work, and which could be shifted with minimal impact. I remembered the generosity of our community and that when there is a need, my task is to invite support.  I sensed life’s abundance and remembered how often unexpected gifts come our way.

The final morning, I also had the opportunity to introduce Wisdom & Money’s Living in Gift practice with Steven.  Clear in my spirit, I was able to talk about the vision of our work and our commitment to offer it as a gift.  I also shared details about our finances and invited those who were led to support our work.  Those who had questions or reactions offered those as well.

One of the people in the room that day was moved by Wisdom & Money’s Living in Gift practice and later played a key role in deepening our connection with the Center for Action and Contemplation, a relationship that has expanded our community and brought new opportunities for this work. That first night of the retreat, I had no idea what would soon open for Wisdom & Money.  But looking back I see how bringing my constriction into the circle of prayer enabled me to stand in the vision of this work.

Open to grace

What does it mean to look at money in this new way?  For me, engaging with money as we do at Wisdom & Money means being willing to turn toward challenges related to money as opportunities for spiritual practice.  When I do this, my relationship with money and the decisions I make change.  No longer sourced in tightness or anxiety, money can move freely in a spirit of grace and trust.   When I open beyond my ideas of what is possible, gifts of all kinds begin to flow.

As a child, I was fascinated by the transformation that happens at the center of the Catholic mass.  These days I marvel at how transformation happens through the flow of money, too.  I wonder what the world would be like if more of us could meet money constriction as an invitation to open to grace in prayer.